Sorry the Recipe is Late

Let me begin by saying how sorry I am for not posting my "July's Recipe of the Month" yet. I've just been so busy with the play I'm in that I haven't had time. Now, on to the post.

My heart is slowly dying.

No, I don't mean physically, and it will be just my luck to live for another 100 years. I'm talking about my emotional heart.

Why am I still single and so fucking lonely?!?!

Am I to fat? Am I to ugly? Am I to needy? To Clingy?

And please, if I had a dollar for every time someone has ever told me "Just be patient, Wesley. You'll find someone eventually the minute you stop looking", I'd have a million fucking dollars! How patient do I have to be? I can joke all I want to about being 29 for the last 13 years, but the truth is, I'm not. And can anyone tell me why it's always the people who are in happy, committed relationships that are the most often the ones to give this advice? And why does it always seem to be that the guys who do show any interest in me are always just out of a relationship and not looking for a new one, but find the love of their lives and enter a new one AFTER me. Am I cursed or something? Surrounded by love but never loved myself, just used by all and sundry?

Maybe my standards are to high, or maybe, just maybe, I should just resign myself to the idea that I'm going to be single and alone for the rest of my life.

Since it's dying anyway, maybe I should just have done with it, and seal my heart up in a metaphoric glass case.

I won't ask any of you (Yeah! Like someone is actually reading this because they care about me and what I have to say!) for advice or answers or anything. You don't care and wouldn't respond anyway.

By the way, if any of you are wondering (Yeah, again like you care) what brought on this bout of depression and angst, I can give it to you in two words. "Someone blabbed!" Someone has taken great joy in telling me what they, and apparently a great many of you think of me; The Ugly, Four-Eyed, Fat Freak!

I won't mention names. The individual would just deny it, and I have no proof anyway. But I will give you a few clues. Think spiteful, vicious, vindictive old (yes, I'm saying you're old! How much more could you hurt me without revealing who you are?) queen. Sorry, that doesn't narrow the list down very much, does it?